Fucking with 5-0, Parts II & III

Look, I know I shouldn't do these things, but I was the kind of kid that made model airplanes and then set them on fire, inhaling deeply from the black, plasticky, evil smoke. Discretion has never been one of my strengths.

So last night as I was rolling up Dartmouth towards the river I came upon two bike cops going the same way. I'm not sure why they were headed for the river, perhaps to patrol for hot co-eds jogging in their spring finery. Anyway, I never understand the police bicycle. It seems to be designed for maximum slowness. Who are they going to catch on those things? Not to mention the fact that it's always the most red-faced, obese cops that get bike duty. Ridiculous.

We arrived together at the foot bridge that crosses Storrow Drive, and I got stuck behind them, because the two of them had the raw climbing speed of a pair of snails on Xanax. At the top of the ramp I passed them, and over my shoulder I said, "You guys aren't going to catch anybody riding like that," laughed and rode off. They might have yelled after me, but I think they were both huffing and puffing too hard.

This morning, I was rolling along with another guy, a guy I met on the path, and we were crossing Back Bay and having a casual conversation about how the drivers are all so oblivious (which is just a little better than having them be aggressively hostile), when all of a sudden this SUV cuts him off fully, no signal, no warning, just cuts across the lane into a parking space. I glance over, cause I'm on the opposite side of the road, and I notice that it's a cop driving, and he's got his window down.

So I say, loud enough for him to hear, "Of course, this guy doesn't care. He's a cop."

I heard him yell, "Hey!" as I sped away, and I laughed to myself. Fucking cops are a big part of the problem here in Boston. They don't give a squirt of piss for cyclists. They don't use their signals. They run lights. And they let everyone else do the same shit.

I know I shouldn't be poking sticks through the bars of the cage, but you know...you just gotta fuck with 5-0.