Monday, May 18, 2009

A morning of epic fail.

I woke up to a 4am hangup call. It's either my sister-in-law or some issue regarding her. Since there is some high school game going on, she didn't leave a message, but did call back 30 minutes later. Again not leaving a message. Ok. Fine. I'll get up.

I packed my camelback the night before so I'd be ready to leave for a ride to work with no futzing around. I fill up my camelback, grab a jersey undershirt, and my bike socks and hop in the car. I throw all my gear on the passenger seat and my camelback on top. I'm off to the park and ride. I park. I ride. My bike.

It's a little cold at the park and ride. So I grab my jersey undershirt. It's soaking wet. I grab my socks. They're soaking wet. I look and see my camelback mouth piece was under the weight of my pack. It drained out all over my seat and clothes. I ride with soaking wet socks.

I'm riding really well. Very strong. I'm a bit surprised. It's been a week since I last rode. I'm flying. I'm freezing, but I'm flying. I'm in the home stretch now. About a mile from the office now. Really cruising! A bug hits my nose. I rub it. Blood pours out all over. I stop and open my pack and bleed all over it. I search in a pocket. No tissue, just a skull cap. I stand in front of some guy's house as his sprinklers come on and hold the cap to my face to wait out the clotting. No, the sprinklers didn't hit me. We'll save that for the movie version. My nose stops bleeding and I leave a pattern of blood droplets on the curb and mount up.

I get to work. The company gym. I think I have blood all over my face. I can't tell. Haven't seen my reflection yet. I'm pretty sure I have blood smeared on my face. No one says anything. I hit the locker room. Yeah, I'm covered in blood. I hit the showers. I come back to my locker. I un-pack my camelback and dress. I manage to get blood from my pack all over my shirt. Looking real professional today.

I get on my bike and ride to my building. I adjust my sunglasses. I break the arm in half. Of course I broke my glasses. I am not even phased at this point. I get to my office. I turn on my music. I lock the door behind me. Fuck the world.

1 comment:

Da Robot said...

That's some excellent fail.

Nice work.